The pages are still blank, but there is a miraculous feeling of the words being there, written in invisible ink and clamoring to become visible - Vladimir Nabokov

There is no agony like bearing an untold story inside you - Zora Neale Hurston

24 December 2009

What It's All About

I had a difficult time finding my Christmas spirit this year. I'm not sure why. Fear of the uncertain future and the writer's path I've chosen? One more year gone by without starting a family of my own? I'm the most optimistic person I know, so I've patiently waited for this disquiet to pass.

It happened slowly: a Christmas card from the aunt I haven't seen in a decade cheerily talking about her horses as if a day has not gone by that I haven't seen her; a heartfelt Christmas wish sent by text from a friend across town; me wondering if the Christmas gift for my brother on the other side of the world has arrived yet; drawing green holly leaves and red berries on white paper with brilliant markers...Slowly, that warm glow grew in my heart and spread to my head, to my fingers and toes, and now I feel like I'm floating, like all things are possible. Now, I remember what this holiday is all about--love.

May you all know it, whether you celebrate Christmas, Yule, Hanukkah, Kwanza, Frau Holle, or nothing at all! Happy Holidays!


  1. I love that picture and I'm glad you were able to find some Christmas cheer. I hope you enjoyed your Dawson's Creek DVD fest too- I watched the first season, but being in Alaska they stopped carrying the show for some reason. I've never seen the other seasons, but I probably should at some point.

    I hope you had a great Christmas!

  2. Thanks Stephanie! I hope you had a wonderful holiday too. I have family in Alaska, so I hear about the idiosyncracies--at least you had a white Christmas.
    It's impossible to watch anything consistently in Australia (they can never decide on a timeslot or if they'll even play it) so it's often DVD marathons for me. Dawson's is worth checking out (though you can pretty much skip season 5, who knows what they were thinging? You know writers.)