tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8636538684242425730.post384679413951139342..comments2023-08-17T12:10:18.931-07:00Comments on I'm Blogging Drowning Here!: The Anti-Query ContestLorel Claytonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06749366331989131894noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8636538684242425730.post-13301640277899942012010-05-04T04:02:04.938-07:002010-05-04T04:02:04.938-07:00Hey Dez! I must post soon. Too much real world int...Hey Dez! I must post soon. Too much real world intrusion, but I'll be back :)Lorel Claytonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06749366331989131894noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8636538684242425730.post-11531224394414473202010-05-02T10:04:19.096-07:002010-05-02T10:04:19.096-07:00Earth calling Lorel - ARE YOU ALIVE??? :)))Earth calling Lorel - ARE YOU ALIVE??? :)))DEZMONDhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14127166104359407763noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8636538684242425730.post-15252423753672927902010-04-29T18:33:13.360-07:002010-04-29T18:33:13.360-07:00Hi Niki! So sweet of you to stop by. I'm plann...Hi Niki! So sweet of you to stop by. I'm planning some new posts and a blog redesign, but I've been so busy I haven't got around to it. Soon...Lorel Claytonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06749366331989131894noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8636538684242425730.post-11840112037763951782010-04-29T01:58:25.438-07:002010-04-29T01:58:25.438-07:00I've been wondering how you are getting on. I ...I've been wondering how you are getting on. I hope your query is going well. Take care XX :o)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8636538684242425730.post-75549285116488982802010-04-28T00:14:16.562-07:002010-04-28T00:14:16.562-07:00Thanks Saumya! Good advice, and I'm happy you ...Thanks Saumya! Good advice, and I'm happy you found me :)Lorel Claytonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06749366331989131894noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8636538684242425730.post-77332653646735075072010-04-27T09:57:56.006-07:002010-04-27T09:57:56.006-07:00Hey! Just found your blog and love it!
I just wen...Hey! Just found your blog and love it!<br /><br />I just went through the query fiasco last week and am hopefully almost done with it. I loved your bad query. Your real query is very good. The only thing I'd suggest, based off what I've read, is to make the first paragraph a bit shorter...making it just centered around the "hook"/ juicy action and using the second paragraph to dive a little deeper into the story. Maybe a good starting line could be, "After Eva Thorne's brother is murdered in a city of x and y, she is forced to kick off her high heels and..."Saumyahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08517289532769906489noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8636538684242425730.post-70668873614251016482010-04-16T17:47:40.745-07:002010-04-16T17:47:40.745-07:00I will stay online until you get back to me.
That...<i>I will stay online until you get back to me</i>.<br /><br />That is absolutely hilarious!!! Great! :)DL Hammonshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02007260062331783715noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8636538684242425730.post-52108192329417060252010-04-15T14:02:16.912-07:002010-04-15T14:02:16.912-07:00ahahaha, the Ninja query was positively hilarious ...ahahaha, the Ninja query was positively hilarious :))DEZMONDhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14127166104359407763noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8636538684242425730.post-33222081166962613082010-04-15T10:03:27.339-07:002010-04-15T10:03:27.339-07:00Ironically, once you've got the anti-query dow...Ironically, once you've got the anti-query down you've got the query process down! This was awesome, loved it!Heatherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05130733681254163610noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8636538684242425730.post-56762747412701995042010-04-15T05:27:27.341-07:002010-04-15T05:27:27.341-07:00That fake Ninja query was deliciously funny!!!That fake Ninja query was deliciously funny!!!Lola Sharphttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14394765053485642935noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8636538684242425730.post-63284563482548829952010-04-14T21:55:22.361-07:002010-04-14T21:55:22.361-07:00Mason-- Thanks so much! I'm glad you laughed :...Mason-- Thanks so much! I'm glad you laughed :)<br /><br />Victoria-- Your suggestions are so helpful I could kiss your feet! It feels like someone has given me the answer to a math problem I've been struggling with for days, except queries are harder than math.<br />btw I'm glad you and your husband had a good laugh! I have to give credit to my own husband--he thought up the best bits, like Megan Fox :)Lorel Claytonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06749366331989131894noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8636538684242425730.post-75264550862367710302010-04-14T20:36:05.481-07:002010-04-14T20:36:05.481-07:00Laughed my butt off - and so did my husband - at y...Laughed my butt off - and so did my husband - at your ninja query. Well done.<br /><br />Your other query has too much info, imo. <br /><br />Eva Thorne is a human refugee in a city of rude elves and matriarchal dwarfs. [this is interesting, but I think you need to jump into the more important fact that her brother is murdered and she's investigating. Why not combine the facts?]<br /><br />When Eva Thorne's brother is discovered dead in a city of rude elves and matriarchal dwarves, Eva must investigate.<br /><br />[Your next several sentences are filler and can be cut. Again, this is my opinion.] Consider cutting straight to:<br /><br />What she discovers brings her up against a powerful slave-trading cartel, dark gods, and, worst of all, her twin sister. <br /><br />Both her family and the elven authorities want her hushed. She has no money and no magic of her own with which to combat them, but she does have an illegally-freed slave, a senile nanny, and an ex-almost-boyfriend on her side. Even when she loses her job and almost loses her head in a sword fight on the same night, she isn’t deterred. It’s when the nanny goes missing that she really starts to worry.<br /><br />I LOVE the humor in this last paragraph and if you can fit some it into the first sentence WITHOUT losing the direct, straight to the action quality you want in a query, GREAT.<br /><br />Just my .02. Good luck!Victoria Dixonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14012092208934951963noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8636538684242425730.post-3418819151327028152010-04-14T19:59:39.911-07:002010-04-14T19:59:39.911-07:00I loved the bad query letter for a good laugh and ...I loved the bad query letter for a good laugh and the good query will do well for you I think. Best of luck with your revisions and the query writings.<br /><br />Mason<br /><a href="http://www.masoncanyon.blogspot.com" rel="nofollow">Thoughts in Progress</a>Mason Canyonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10935307400882363560noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8636538684242425730.post-24029862436011290362010-04-14T19:58:07.280-07:002010-04-14T19:58:07.280-07:00Ooooh...I love your suggestion for the second sent...Ooooh...I love your suggestion for the second sentence, Elizabeth! I've never liked that one, and I've tried it lots of ways, but I think you've fixed it! Thanks!Lorel Claytonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06749366331989131894noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8636538684242425730.post-85249739975487593882010-04-14T18:52:57.733-07:002010-04-14T18:52:57.733-07:00I love this contest! My brain is too muddled right...I love this contest! My brain is too muddled right now...about to turn in. But your bad query was too funny! And I have a feeling that agents see plenty of those.<br /><br />I thought your good query WAS good. It read like back cover copy, which is always a good thing. :) Second sentence I'd probably flip--do a: "When her brother is brutally murdered and the detective she tries hiring slams the door in her face, Eva is forced to investigate the crime herself."<br /><br />You've done great with it!<br /><br />ElizabethElizabeth Spann Craighttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15625595247828274405noreply@blogger.com